范文3及點評:
I Want To Invent A Family Doctor Robot
I want to invent a family doctor robot, which can be used to cure the illness without going out of their home. As far as I’m concerned, it will be extremely helpful and useful because of the following reasons:
First, you can see the doctor immediately at home when you feel sick or get hurt. It can save us a lot of time, especially in emergency situations.
Furthermore, hospitals today are always filled with patients, not everyone can be taken good care of. However, with the help of our robot doctors, you can talk to your personal doctor one to one whenever you want.
In short, family doctor robots can make great contribution to our society.
—新東方優(yōu)能中考英語楊洋老師
精彩亮點分析:
亮點一:全文巧用“first,furthermore,inshort”等連接詞,把家庭機器人醫(yī)生的好處寫的非常清晰,讓閱卷老師一目了然。
亮點二:全文采用了定語從句、狀語從句、并列句等多種長難句,為文采分增色不少。
亮點三:文中出現(xiàn)了“extremely,makecontributionto”這些單詞及詞組,恰到好處地強調(diào)了家庭機器人醫(yī)生的重要性,且為文采再次進行潤色。
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